chrys
(Junior Member)

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Posted:Monday 20 October 2008,2:20:16 PM

Oh yes, I 4got 2 add in that we are only human beings & nt perfect. Us women cannot always act 2 b a superwoman even if we want 2, cos that's wat I've trying to be when having my 1st BB. In d end I hv suffered post baby blues..Will cry even if it was caused by a small matter. There r times we really need other ppl help especially during confinement time where we were confine in d hse & nobody 2 talk 2. Especially when there's no other extended family dat willing or hv d time 2 help u. (Well u can't talk thru d phone always cos other ppl oso have their own lives).

Even celeb like Brooke Sheilds suffered a post baby stress and it can happen 2 any women no matter whether u're a causcasion or asian. Women tend 2 keep these problem 2 themselves & nowdays u can see news that a mother can kill their own baby without realizing it (Scary).

Lotus did brought up a question - If a relationship is built on RM$$$, what more to expect right? Well a lot can be expected. With no stable $$, it will create mental stress & anxiety as raising a child is not as simple as ABC nowdays. (Unlike our forefathers time).

However, I agreed with Lotus dat mom should train their sons so that their be able 2 take care their own family in d future & nt just throw all d responsibilites 2 women. As there is a saying it's take 2 to Tango and women oso d bread provider nowdays. Dun u agree??

Sorrie if i'm out of d topic oledi.. this is only my opinion..   

chrys
(Junior Member)

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Posted:Monday 20 October 2008,12:30:21 PM

Well it is true that every race has its own culture. D caucasian can do anything after giving birth like taking cold food or taking a salt bath cos they dun hv pantang in these things..

As for d malays, I know they oso practice d confinement tradition.

For me, it is important 2 take care of your health after giving birth as once u kena masuk angin during dat period it will forever gives u a health problem. (saw a lot of examples oledi).

I won't be relying 100% on d CL as I know d bonding between mother & BB is very important.. at least there be some1 who can gv u an extra hand during d 1st week & good advice . MIL is old now & owez got health problem & she oso need 2 take k/cooked 4 her 2 single children + hb + elderly MIL. Who dun wan 2 save $$ especially in a time like tis when economy is really turn downhill.

At least my HB is really a BIG help 2 me & 2 his family. He likes 2 clean d hse & take k of my 3 year old kid. No complain in dat area.

Lotus
(Supermom)

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Posted:Monday 20 October 2008,9:50:45 AM

every race has its own culture. personally i think chinese wives/moms are quite pampered in the sense have the CL culture, whereas i think the malays & causasian dont really have this concept. not saying which is good or bad. just that, if we have the CL culture so that moms can 'rest' in peace for a month, then just enjoy it but on the other hand, try not to depend so much on a CL. After all, she's a stranger paid to take care of a baby & mom. How much 'relationship' can be built within a month??in the end, it always comes down to RM$$$. If a relationship is built on RM$$$, what more to expect right? Always best for us & extended family to take care of each other. Worst case senario, parentS (husband included) should be able to take care of their own offspring. Moms, please train your sons well & educate them that being a dad means doing the dad's duties and just bringing home RM$$ is no longer relevant or adequate.

chrys
(Junior Member)

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Posted:Saturday 18 October 2008,11:38:13 AM

I din hire a CL 4 my 1st BB as my MIL PROMISED to take care of my BB. But 2 bad.. on d 1st nite BB at home MIL oledi complaining saying unable 2 take k of her due 2 health problem.. can u imagine of my anxiety.. unable 2 say no & 2 short notice 2 look 4 CL, HB & me agreed 2 take k BB nite time.. It was torturing 4 d 1st week. HB and I got tis panda eyes since our BB is a lite sleeper & no experience as tis is our 1st child.   

Nw 4 our 2nd BB    who will due next year, both of us agree 2 get a CL. I've been asking around 4 CL preferably d 1 recommended by frens. I told them beforehand only if they hv tried d CL & if they good then introduce it 2 us..    So we dun wan 2 blame anyone later.

At last I found 2 CL.. CL "A" is very talkative (she's those type who says everything abt them is A cl*ss). She even says she can whisper d words of GOD 2 my BB later..yikes.. (sounds fanatic & gives me d creeps). oh ya.. angpow nt less than RM100 & even gv an example 2 us dat 1 of her client even gv RM999.. (Chui Ngau)

When my HB called 2 inform her dat we hv decided nt 2 employ her, I can imagine her nose is fuming saying it's oklar.. a lot of ppl is waiting 2 employ her ..walah.. already getting a big head even b4 employing her. I scared she will hv war with my MIL later if we want her..

CL "B" is a fren sister, a quiet type. I knew dat she's been taking k a difficult couple bb before so should be oklar.. I'm nt d fussy type of ppl oso.. i only wan my peace during my confinement days.. who dun rite?    Really hope i hv made d rite choice..

Honestly, I hv heard a lot of CL stories, that really can turn you off.    1 story is d CL insisting d lady boss 2 bring her 2 go shopping during confinement 2 buy 1 set of blouse, pant & shoe (it's a must wahh.. if nt d bb will be in bad luck.. really sound like cursing lor).. teribble

yeanpoh
(Member)

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Posted:Wednesday 06 August 2008,8:56:33 AM

quote:

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No one has answered this question so far: has anyone asked CL 2 blow dry their hair 4 them?

Thanks, yeah!

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sweeeng8
(Supermom)

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Posted:Saturday 12 July 2008,7:52:31 AM

Yup... my 1st n 2nd CL is the same.

To blow dry your hair?? I don't think it's wrong asking them to help but of cos it's just 'simply blow', la...

My 1st time, she like so busy want to help me blow dry my hair but my 2nd time, she couldn't care at all...

CP
(Senior Member)

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Posted:Friday 04 July 2008,3:27:04 PM

quote:

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No one has answered this question so far: has anyone asked CL 2 blow dry their hair 4 them?

Thanks, yeah!

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No, I didn't as I tot my 1st CL was already very busy helping me on the housework which I was very grateful for.    And off course my 2nd CL was too busy to do much at all except carrying my BB all the time .

Adeline1306
(Supermom)

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Posted:Friday 04 July 2008,2:39:43 PM

No one has answered this question so far: has anyone asked CL 2 blow dry their hair 4 them?

Thanks, yeah!

Adeline1306
(Supermom)

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Posted:Friday 04 July 2008,9:32:54 AM

quote:

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Yes, on a king-size mattress + a single mattress. We all sleep on the floor. Our sleeping arrangement was bb (against the wall), then me, then toddler, then hubby. So that I could nurse both my kids easily. But it turned out that my bb slept thru the nite right from day1 & I have to wake up my toddler to help me relieve my engorgement.

If u toddler is a good sleeper (i.e. not easily disturb by sound), then it's possible. In my case, hubby has to help out to 'teman' my toddler to sleep (my girl loves to sleep on papa's arm) so that she doesn't feel left out as I nurse bb to sleep. Sleeping with my kids is 'therapeutic' for me... their smells r so.. yummy!

---------------------------------
Wai Han
HypnoBirthing® Childbirth Educator
www.hypnobirthing.com.my

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whsoo
(Supermom)

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Posted:Friday 04 July 2008,9:24:00 AM

quote:

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Question 4 all: will it b 2 much 2 expect CL 2 take care of 11mth old bb only on weekends also? (i.e. cos my by-then 11mth old bb is only taken care of by nanny on weekdays... wondering if i shd make arrangements 4 her 2 tc him on weekends also..... but don't think so lah... cos i'd miss my bb.....)

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whsoo
(Supermom)

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Posted:Friday 04 July 2008,9:16:12 AM

quote:

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Question 4 Wai Han: at nite ur toddler slept with u, HB & ur new born? how did u manage 2 do tat? cos I m wondering if i could do d same 4 myself or not? (i.e. whole family co-sleep 2gether on the same bed...) but my 1st bb will only b 11 mths old by d time This bb comes out...

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teos
(Senior Member)

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Posted:Thursday 03 July 2008,1:49:43 PM

Hi...

Actually during CNY paid at this amount is not expensive. Mine last year 2007, i paid for RM4K++. I think all the CL tried to make money during htat period.

Actually with CL around, can see they also quite busy with cooking. Mine like to clean kitchen n wash the outside floor which i already mention to her not to wash so often. Maybe she also quite slow loh..so feel like most her time use to clean. But the vacuum and mopping the floor still done by my husband. If I ask her to do, I think, she basically doing maid stuff.
Night time I quite hesitate to give her take care but my husband insist as he said I should rest more lah..since paying CL to do it, then I hould rest loh. EVen so, then I will always wake up and have a look on them to make me feel comfortable.
So, basically having CL doesnt really helps a lot.
I am going to have my 2nd baby deliver end Aug'08..this time my mother + MIL will do it together.....eeerr..not veyr sure it will goes well, but am veyr sure I will have nice food. In addition, the CL really too expensive to employ. Unless I really can find a good one but don't think it will be easy...............

peggykhoo
(Member)

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Posted:Thursday 03 July 2008,11:46:22 AM

1) Food definitely done by CL, as we paid the CL to do that. Experience CL can cook really well!!
2) Of course the CL needs to prepare the water for you to shower, but remember the water must boiled. If you want to shower at 4pm. Let her boil the water and put in 2 pails at 3pm. By 4pm, the water just nice to shower. Reason of can’t use tape water is because afraid of “masuk angin”.
3) Did she take good care of bb at nite? For me, am still preferred taking care of my baby myself during night ime.
4) How much did your CL cost u? & how much was the ang-poh u gave 2 your CL? Mine was during Chinese New Year (2008), so I gave RM 3,500. Anpow RM 100.

Adeline1306
(Supermom)

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Posted:Monday 30 June 2008,10:30:57 AM

Hi all... 4got 2 add this question: izit 2 much 2 ask CL 2 blow dry my hair 4 me if i shd wash my hair?

TQ!

Adeline1306
(Supermom)

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Posted:Monday 30 June 2008,10:19:39 AM

Thanx 2 Wai Han, Chiew Peng, Swee Eng who replied.
Wow, seems like I really have 2 prepare myself 4 28 (or 30??) days of confinement with CL... (even though my last experience is not tat far away... but my last CL was my mum...)

Question 4 Swee Eng: ur 1st CL was d same as ur 2nd CL?

Question 4 Wai Han: at nite ur toddler slept with u, HB & ur new born? how did u manage 2 do tat? cos I m wondering if i could do d same 4 myself or not? (i.e. whole family co-sleep 2gether on the same bed...) but my 1st bb will only b 11 mths old by d time This bb comes out...

Question 4 all: will it b 2 much 2 expect CL 2 take care of 11mth old bb only on weekends also? (i.e. cos my by-then 11mth old bb is only taken care of by nanny on weekdays... wondering if i shd make arrangements 4 her 2 tc him on weekends also..... but don't think so lah... cos i'd miss my bb.....)

CP
(Senior Member)

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Posted:Saturday 28 June 2008,11:23:26 PM

Marketing was done by mostly by my mom and DH since my CL can’t drive and the market/supermarkets are quite far away from my place.    If your CL is not doing the marketing, make sure she gave a complete shopping list.    DH was very annoyed that my CL asked him to buy things almost every day.

She prepared the water for me for baths/wipes.    She slept with my BB in a separate room and brought BB to me for breastfeeding at night except some nights when my BB slept with me in my room (so that CL could have some rest + DH and I could be close to my BB).   

For my 1st CL, the fee was RM3k for 28 days (excluding ang pow) to cover housework as well (as I don’t have maid and DH and I live on our own).    When her blood pressure shot up (she is 60+ years old and it could be due to lack of sleep and she ate the same food as me), we worried that I might not be able to take her to the hospital if she fainted.    I gave her an option to go home which she took up.    I only gave her RM100 ang pow as her service was only 17 days and DH complained that her cooking was tasteless and she hardly cook separate dishes for him although she was supposed to as agreed up-front with my MIL.    At the end, DH ate outside most of the time.    If not because of her health, I would have like her to stay on as I was quite happy with her overall (as I am not particular about food) after we have sorted out each others’ expectations in the 1st week.

If you want the CL to do housework, make sure that she agrees up front CLEARLY.    My 2nd CL’s fee was RM100 per day (excluding ang pow) for the remaining of my confinement period.    When I first talked to her, she happily said that her service covered housework including cooking and ironing WHEN SHE HAS TIME, which was reasonable to me.   

Guess what, she trained my BB to want to be carried all the time so that she didn’t have to do the housework.    At the end, even the dishes that she supposedly have washed were oily and stained, my bathroom and kitchen were filthy, floor was dusty and sometimes she only have fried rice for me as she was busy carrying my BB.    She even tried to get away from preparing bath water for me by saying the heater water is also boiled water.    When DH and I asked her to leave my BB with us, she would refuse saying we needed the rest.    When we insisted, she would buat kacau and suggested us to do something that made my BB cried and then she would take her away to her room saying we didn’t know how to handle my BB.    Maybe she wanted us to think that she was indispensable or wanted my BB to be more attached to her so that she could handle my BB ...    I really dunno.    Oops ... grumbling and off-topics.    Sorry-ah, got carried away.

whsoo
(Supermom)

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Posted:Friday 27 June 2008,8:39:03 PM

quote:

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Hi, Pei Sze.
Just wondering: how did u cope without a CL? Who cooked ur food 4 u? & who tc of ur bb 4 u?

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sweeeng8
(Supermom)

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Posted:Thursday 26 June 2008,11:17:35 PM

Actually my room is quite big. So basically all of us slept in the same room including my son and my hubby and CL. ha.ha.ha.

Your purpose of having a confinement lady is so that she can handle everything include bb so that you can have more rest. So why bother if you're troubling her or not. It's her duty... basically.

I can't be sitting and wiping my baby's smelly poo in the middle of the nite and thn walk here and there to take this and that and to throw it and etc..

So call her up lor. But she snoores like a pig! Shout so loud also cannot hear asthough i am 100m away from her wherelse she's actually on the other end of my bed. My hubby had to get up and call her instead.

During my 2nd confinement, my baby is very disturbing..and guess what?? She didn't even bother me and start snoring first. Even in the middle of the nite when bb cry loud, she'll act like she's still sleeping.

That's why I'm not recommending her anymore to anybody.

Those who doesn't have maid and employing CL, make sure they are serious and know bout it beforehand cos some, when they know that you don't have a maid, they don't want to do for you.

Some CL also very particular... like mine, she actually insist she want to sleep w bb in another room but I don't allow.

Some, if they take care of the baby and the baby is the type which keeps on crying and they cannot tahan, they rather quit the job and leave you hanging.