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Viewing Discussions 1-20 of 34
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Lotus
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Posted:Friday 25 January 2008,9:28:31 AM
Yes.. men can be egoistic at times. But i think as wives, we're able to gauge their feelings now..esp if already been together for more than 10 years! sometimes, before some words come out of our mouths, we already know we're saying the wrong things.. and yet the words come out.. and then he'd be like sulking & not talking to us for days. For my hb. he's very sensitive & defensive if i 'ter' say something about his family. if he says it , its ok. so sometimes when that happens, and he wont talk to me.. then i just let it p*ss. i just be normal & talk like normal. i dont let his feelings get to me or else we also can get upset & angry cos he's not responding to us. Just give him time in his 'cave' (as the book Men From Mars & Women from venus - says) and let him settle it himself. I know its tough esp when he's all lovey dovey with the children but not with you! but be patient, and soon enough, he'll be back to normal.... until the next round!! ahh!!! the wonders of marriage life! |
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cgwcarol
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Posted:Thursday 24 January 2008,3:57:47 PM
quote:
my man is also a mystery to me. i just dont understand men.
he can talk nicely abt anythin n evrythin to peopl but me. i cant read him anymor, ther's just no good time to talk, we don really talk n somtimes he snaps at me. it hurts my self esteem n i dont kno wht to do. he wil only really talk abt d childrn wit me or whn he's troubld abt things esp money. its frustratin coz it its lik d kids r only thing keepin us togther.
it maks me feel lik m a boring person n confined to d hous, my world revolvs around d kids or wht i see on tv. so depressing. i dont just do tht, gues we'v just grown diffrently, our priorities r different, things've chged.
i hop it's just lik a phase or somthin, we r goin thru difficult times n i kno men just bottl things up. meanwhil, i m pickin up new things, keepin busy, makin friends. hey, anyone out ther readin, thank you fo makin d time.
Hi Anabela,
I know how that feels. Sometimes men are full of ego, and if it goes unchecked, it can be fullblown.
Do you and hubby sneak out for movies or pah toh? Or do you have a friend or relatives to take care of the children for a short while? I find that it helps, to sneak out at times. It's very important not to put the children as the center of your relationship with your spouse.
We have only 1 daughter, but I have to admit that our lives change too. I'm quite outspoken, and sometimes, I will tell hubby that he's putting me 2nd and our bb 1st.
Also, if you're not working, do try to dress up, put on some makeup, and have a ladies night with your girlfriends. It will keep you sane! I'm a working mum, so, dressing up and makeup is definitely not a problem, but I know it helps. Get your hubby to take care of the kids. Going out doesn't have to cost a bomb, you can just go out and chit chat with your girlfriends at the mamak or Old Town kopitiam.
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anabela
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Posted:Saturday 12 January 2008,3:05:30 AM
my man is also a mystery to me. i just dont understand men.
he can talk nicely abt anythin n evrythin to peopl but me. i cant read him anymor, ther's just no good time to talk, we don really talk n somtimes he snaps at me. it hurts my self esteem n i dont kno wht to do. he wil only really talk abt d childrn wit me or whn he's troubld abt things esp money. its frustratin coz it its lik d kids r only thing keepin us togther.
it maks me feel lik m a boring person n confined to d hous, my world revolvs around d kids or wht i see on tv. so depressing. i dont just do tht, gues we'v just grown diffrently, our priorities r different, things've chged.
i hop it's just lik a phase or somthin, we r goin thru difficult times n i kno men just bottl things up. meanwhil, i m pickin up new things, keepin busy, makin friends. hey, anyone out ther readin, thank you fo makin d time. |
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yeolm
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Posted:Tuesday 23 October 2007,4:00:13 PM
Hi june,
I think most of the man have " big man" inside them, it's whether serious or not aje. For me , i think he's not so serious, at least playing with ur dotter is consider taking care of ur dotter also right ? haha.
Secondly , i think becoz it's ur first baby too, like my hubby, when we just had our first babies, he also somehow lazy to make milk for baby and changed the baby, but doen the road , when we have our 2nd baby, he's gettting better. I think may be sometimes also we din encourage him to do but "instruct" him to do. Why not u try to praise ur hubby and encourage him to do instead of scold him and instruct him to do, it might help a bit. Let him feel more involve. |
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Jesst16
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Posted:Tuesday 23 October 2007,8:34:18 AM
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I also want to share that my husband character, i don't know is it good or not. Cause i am very unhappy with him start until now. But i don't know why i will marrige him. He very is a ""big man"". He is correct everything, i am the wrong one..Even comunicated also not used, he won't listen to me.I feel very sad cause i also have my own idea.I feel that i am the unused person. If he without me also feel nothing.
Now i stay with my PIL start marriage until now with my daughter 11 mth. My husband only help me to play with my girl and other thing I need to do my self, like wash and clear my room and cloth.. My MIL don't help me to do anything unless act in front my husband she will help. Even my husband don't like my girl was take care by my mum.. But what to do his mum always find out many many excuse to say she are unable to take care my girl. He also think that his mum is very good. Why my husband like that... Some time i feel that he is control me, that i feel like want to run away from him...
But he very take care of our family..especially my girl.
Look at yr hub's +ve points. Don't focus on otherwise then you will feel better. Afterall you're married to him and already have a kid. Unless you seriously wanna divorce him... |
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vickylow
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Posted:Tuesday 18 September 2007,8:54:30 AM
June I bet you already know your hubby character b4 married him. This is your choice but think again what things he attracts you. Sure he got something nice that you in love with eg. care about the family. Maybe this will make you feel good. |
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June28
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Posted:Friday 14 September 2007,5:21:13 PM
I also want to share that my husband character, i don't know is it good or not. Cause i am very unhappy with him start until now. But i don't know why i will marrige him. He very is a ""big man"". He is correct everything, i am the wrong one..Even comunicated also not used, he won't listen to me.I feel very sad cause i also have my own idea.I feel that i am the unused person. If he without me also feel nothing.
Now i stay with my PIL start marriage until now with my daughter 11 mth. My husband only help me to play with my girl and other thing I need to do my self, like wash and clear my room and cloth.. My MIL don't help me to do anything unless act in front my husband she will help. Even my husband don't like my girl was take care by my mum.. But what to do his mum always find out many many excuse to say she are unable to take care my girl. He also think that his mum is very good. Why my husband like that... Some time i feel that he is control me, that i feel like want to run away from him...
But he very take care of our family..especially my girl.
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beening
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Posted:Friday 14 September 2007,1:32:05 PM
My hubby seems to be good and nice man. But one big problem is that he is the type of do not like to share things with me. WE seldom talk. He won't open his mouth when come back hom like a dumb person. In the past we quarrel quite often. So recently he acts like a dumb person, excepts talking and playing with his 1+yr o daughter. He use writing to communicate with me, that is the most upset, angry i with. I really do not like to live in such home. I even pity to give such home to my daughter. |
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pb_llp
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Posted:Wednesday 01 November 2006,5:19:30 PM
I really unhappy cos my hubby , he always did't think about me ! he always took i hv alot of money keep in the bank ! i already take out all my money to help him ! until this few month , he hv good business & income , i took is the end ! yesterday he ask me again ! cos he wan 2 do another business ! i so angry ! i know he wan 2 earn more money but don't hv money 2 do business , how to earn ? help me ! i feel wan 2 ..........!!!! |
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IANMUM
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Posted:Friday 19 May 2006,5:27:22 PM
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quote:
Hi,
I oso dun understand my hubby. I know he loves our 17+mths girl very much but when it comes to football especially when his MU team is playing, his 'whole world' is ard d tv only. Even if there is a fire at home oso i think he wil stil try to watch d match as much as he can b4 d whole hse burn down.
Yesterday i shouted at him n really scolded him bcos he was so bz wz his football n claimed dat he didnt hear our girl cried in real pain bcos i was washing her buttock after her poo. She is hving 'fake measles', (kar mar in cantonese), so she really poo a lot til her inner buttock oso red n painful if touch.
My girl cried so loud til her whole face turned red n got a bit of runny nose while i try to slowly 'hose' her buttock as she wont let me wipe wz wet cotton. Aiyo i oso heart broken when i see her holding on my maid for support while her leg is wobbling in pain trying to avoid being d water.
All dis while my hubby is downstairs watching his football. When i call him up he said dat d maid is ard so he doesnt need to help. I ask him if he is d father or d maid is d father when what i need is not a help but i need my girl's father to b there to 'sayang' her when she is in pain. After i finis everything he just took her down to watch d tv again. I really cried even in front of my maid when i scolded my hubby.
Even an animal oso takes priority of their bb. Dont u all think dat sometimes animal treats their bb better than human being?
vicky,
i think you are better than me coz you still have maid to help around. i am a working mum with no maid. have to rush home to do hse chores, taking care of bb and etc. well, my hubby did not make milk, change diaper and etc. according to him this is mummy's job. my bb have sensitive skin (rashes) and my hubby is blaming my mum and me for not taking good care of bb. i am bb's mummy, u think i want to see my own bb suffering??!!! no point quarrel or scold my hubby, he have 'tak apa' attitude. he think that he is working very hard she should take off totally during his off day. well, im working too why he didnt think of me? me too need some rest.
Hmmm...man man man is actually the same lah! My hubby use to be alwys busy with his works, activities, Notebook & sport channel..and travelling alot nowsaday. I am working mummy, but one thing good is I do not need to do house work and I m staying with MIL. Houseworks & Maid will be managed by her...so i dun care I only will stay in my room after dinner & make sure spend more time with my BB...haha..ha..ha...  |
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julieycf
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Posted:Friday 24 March 2006,11:57:03 PM
i was so angry the other day. i went out for only 2 hours and i ask my hubby to babysit. when i return, he was watching tv (his fav past time) and my bb no where in sight. i found my bb with my maid where i maid trying to iron. he put bb on a high chair to occupy her with the maid, so he can do something else.
then, the climax. he said he wants to take bb for evening walk and he need to go out for a while (4pm plus) and he only return home at 7.40pm. i took bb for evening walk at 6pm plus. i asked him why so late, he said he went to bookshop to read comic books. at 7.40pm, sun also set, dark outside, he wants to take bb for walk. i told him it is too late even to walk a dog!
i really gave him a piece of my mind. |
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cgcarol
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Posted:Friday 24 March 2006,8:34:11 PM
Seems like most of us mummies here have the same comment over the "husbands"! Yeah, most husbands are "careless" persons most of the times, and some even "don't care" at all. However, there are still some who "cares" to a certain extent!
My hubby is still consider careless, but he still do help me sometimes with some minor tasks like changing diapers, making the milk for bb, play with him and give me a break, also help up with some house work like put the laundry into washing machine and hang up dry, washing the dishes! That's kinda relief for me already. He loves the bb very much, so I don't see him having unwilling kind of feelings. So, if compare to those complaining much here, I'm quite lucky though!!
There's a huge need of compromise between husband and wife. If not, there'll be a big problem. Communication is indeed crucial to enhance the relationships and to clear unnecessary misunderstandings! My hubby and I still quarrel at times, but it's also part of our communications. When both of us are cooling down, then it's easier for the issues to get settled. Our bb is the most important bridge that makes us expand our room of reconsiderations!
I also agree that whenever we have a quarrel or argument going on, it's the ego that is in action and it'll make the problem worse. When the ego is gone, it's always easier to solve those problems around.
Just my opinions!
Regards,
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VICKY CHONG
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Posted:Friday 24 March 2006,3:54:02 PM
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i think you are better than me coz you still have maid to help around. i am a working mum with no maid. have to rush home to do hse chores, taking care of bb and etc. well, my hubby did not make milk, change diaper and etc. according to him this is mummy's job. my bb have sensitive skin (rashes) and my hubby is blaming my mum and me for not taking good care of bb. i am bb's mummy, u think i want to see my own bb suffering??!!! no point quarrel or scold my hubby, he have 'tak apa' attitude. he think that he is working very hard she should take off totally during his off day. well, im working too why he didnt think of me? me too need some rest.
Hi Esther,
Ya luckily i got a maid to help out, if not, sure world war 3 at home alredi, hehehe. Hubby oso benefitted frm hving a maid ard as he stopped doing all his previous chores alredi. Even now after makan he just leave everything there on d table for me to clear. Really act like a king now hhhmmmm. |
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dreams_961
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Posted:Friday 24 March 2006,8:47:39 AM
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Hi,
I oso dun understand my hubby. I know he loves our 17+mths girl very much but when it comes to football especially when his MU team is playing, his 'whole world' is ard d tv only. Even if there is a fire at home oso i think he wil stil try to watch d match as much as he can b4 d whole hse burn down.
Yesterday i shouted at him n really scolded him bcos he was so bz wz his football n claimed dat he didnt hear our girl cried in real pain bcos i was washing her buttock after her poo. She is hving 'fake measles', (kar mar in cantonese), so she really poo a lot til her inner buttock oso red n painful if touch.
My girl cried so loud til her whole face turned red n got a bit of runny nose while i try to slowly 'hose' her buttock as she wont let me wipe wz wet cotton. Aiyo i oso heart broken when i see her holding on my maid for support while her leg is wobbling in pain trying to avoid being d water.
All dis while my hubby is downstairs watching his football. When i call him up he said dat d maid is ard so he doesnt need to help. I ask him if he is d father or d maid is d father when what i need is not a help but i need my girl's father to b there to 'sayang' her when she is in pain. After i finis everything he just took her down to watch d tv again. I really cried even in front of my maid when i scolded my hubby.
Even an animal oso takes priority of their bb. Dont u all think dat sometimes animal treats their bb better than human being?
vicky,
i think you are better than me coz you still have maid to help around. i am a working mum with no maid. have to rush home to do hse chores, taking care of bb and etc. well, my hubby did not make milk, change diaper and etc. according to him this is mummy's job. my bb have sensitive skin (rashes) and my hubby is blaming my mum and me for not taking good care of bb. i am bb's mummy, u think i want to see my own bb suffering??!!! no point quarrel or scold my hubby, he have 'tak apa' attitude. he think that he is working very hard she should take off totally during his off day. well, im working too why he didnt think of me? me too need some rest. |
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VICKY CHONG
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Posted:Friday 24 March 2006,7:19:29 AM
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When i stay with him at Singapore, i suffer from Insomia. When i cant sleep, in the morning i suffer for Migrane. I went to see doc for medication in order for me to sleep. i even take up smoking habit. When i at Perak, i feel much better cos i dont have face him.
I know my BB will losing a father when i make decision to divorce. But if he really love BB, then BB still get his love. On the other hand, even i get back with him but he dont love BB, then no point.
Hi bel-nyl,
After reading all ur postings abt ur problem wz ur hubby, i think i will support ur decision on hving a divorce.
In my opinion..... 1) if ur hubby loves his girl, he wil at least cal n ask abt her wel being n not keeping quiet for so long...
2) He is such a 'MCP'. Like what u said if he can afford to support both u n d bb, then u dont mind to stop working in Perak n stay wz him in Spore, but d actual fact is he cant even afford to support himself (when he ask money frm u last time when u stil works there), so how can he insist dat u follow him. Like what d cantonese said ' ngor say lo por wan chow oak' (correct me if i am
wrong). 3) He is stil immature lor. Stil not ready to become a father yet n stil dunno what is his priority now dat he has his own family alredi.
So bel-nyl, dun u worry abt ur bb. I am sure she is better off wz ur family than wz ur in laws as i can see dat u hv a very supportive family who loves ur bb too but if ur hubby comes to visit her nex time do let him see her as no matter what he is stil her father. Kids nowadays r very smart. They wil kno who loves them n who doesnt. So let ur bb judge herself.
U r a very smart women who pl*ns n knows what is best for ur bb n urself, so go ahead. U will hv my full support.
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bel_nyl
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Posted:Friday 24 March 2006,12:09:46 AM
When i stay with him at Singapore, i suffer from Insomia. When i cant sleep, in the morning i suffer for Migrane. I went to see doc for medication in order for me to sleep. i even take up smoking habit. When i at Perak, i feel much better cos i dont have face him.
I know my BB will losing a father when i make decision to divorce. But if he really love BB, then BB still get his love. On the other hand, even i get back with him but he dont love BB, then no point. |
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simonlainey
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Posted:Thursday 23 March 2006,4:43:40 PM
quote:
quote:
Hi,
I oso dun understand my hubby. I know he loves our 17+mths girl very much but when it comes to football especially when his MU team is playing, his 'whole world' is ard d tv only. Even if there is a fire at home oso i think he wil stil try to watch d match as much as he can b4 d whole hse burn down.
Yesterday i shouted at him n really scolded him bcos he was so bz wz his football n claimed dat he didnt hear our girl cried in real pain bcos i was washing her buttock after her poo. She is hving 'fake measles', (kar mar in cantonese), so she really poo a lot til her inner buttock oso red n painful if touch.
My girl cried so loud til her whole face turned red n got a bit of runny nose while i try to slowly 'hose' her buttock as she wont let me wipe wz wet cotton. Aiyo i oso heart broken when i see her holding on my maid for support while her leg is wobbling in pain trying to avoid being d water.
All dis while my hubby is downstairs watching his football. When i call him up he said dat d maid is ard so he doesnt need to help. I ask him if he is d father or d maid is d father when what i need is not a help but i need my girl's father to b there to 'sayang' her when she is in pain. After i finis everything he just took her down to watch d tv again. I really cried even in front of my maid when i scolded my hubby.
Even an animal oso takes priority of their bb. Dont u all think dat sometimes animal treats their bb better than human being?
After having a BB, i start to see how insensitive my husband. We been leaving far apart when i get pregnant. I asked him to move n stay with us after I give birth to our BB girl but he refuse n give excuse such as:-
1) Wife should follow Husband
2) He got the responsiblitiy to take her my FIL as my MIL passed away when i concieve.
He just come n see BB twice which is during i gave birth n when BB 1 month old. Now my BB is going to be 11 mth old. He dont even call n asked about BB. i really dissappointed by his attitude, finally i voice for divorce. He just say "OK".
There is some other arguement in between beside of his insensitivity.
bel_nyl, before your marriage, didn't u both work this situation out? Try not to point your finger at him on saying how insensitive your hubby, put yourself in his situation. Like u said, he as a son, has the responsibility of taking care of his father especially after his mum's death. What if this case happens to you next time or your own family? Your brother or your son just leave your mum and u all alone to live with wife? What's your reason/excuse for not wanting to follow your hubby? Then, what's the use settling for marriage in the first place and now involving an innocent being?
In a relationship n marriage, remember, there should always be a give and take situation not one sided. Throw away both of your egos. Think of what and how your bb might think and feel?
Why can't u compromise for the sake of your bb and your family's future and happiness sake? A family should always stick together.
I understand how hurt u felt when he said OK when u voiced out divorce, but think again, maybe he is hurt and angry with your attitude too, right? When a person is angry and hurt, no matter girl, boy, man or women, they would say things they don't mean it from the bottom of their heart!
I might sound like a very busybody, jaga tepi kain orang lain, right? Well, I just feel sayang betul for u, your hubby and most is your bb. I had been through a rough marriage before (not even my fault, as I have been the one who only gives and he only takes) and would not like anyone to goes through these situation as the VICTIM is INNOCENT CHILDREN.
Please think deeply, try to work things out by throwing away both of your egos and reconsider, ok? |
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